A Mother’s Love

As I scanned through my previous stories over the last year, I noted that I have written about my father on many occasions. He was certainly a key figure in my life. But he was only half of the influence on me growing up. My relationship with my mom was a little more complicated and one that I have grown to appreciate more as I have gotten older.

As an only child, I spent a lot of time with my mom when I was young. I always had her full attention and being a mother was the most important thing to my mom. It was a job she put her whole heart and soul into. At the time, it was often suffocating. As an adult, I am appreciative of being on the receiving end of that kind of love and attention.

Big Hair days!

My mom struggled her whole life with depression and a lack of confidence. She found it hard to believe in herself. Some days, it was hard for her to get out of bed and face the world. Because of these internal demons, she did everything that she could possibly do to make sure that I didn’t feel the same way. She constantly reinforced me and helped me to believe in myself. She made me believe I could do anything that I put my mind to doing. She worked hard to give me what she could not give herself. I probably do not appreciate how hard that was and how much strength that required of her.

As a teenager, like most boys, I thought my mom was just around to give me a hard time. We argued a bit and I rolled my eyes a lot and let out those teenage sighs that made my skin crawl as a parent.

Looking back, I now know that she just wanted me to be the best version of me. The version that she saw and believed in. It’s funny, moms are often our biggest critics, yet our biggest fans at the same time. It was okay for my mom to tell me about my failures, but if someone else attacked me, they would quickly be in her crosshairs.

One things that was for sure was my mother’s fierce and unwavering loyalty to me. She believed in me the way she wished she could believe in herself. She was loyal to me even if she knew I was wrong. That is some pretty cool stuff when you think about it. Someone that has your back no matter what.

My mom often struggled with every day life. But when things were tough, she got stronger. She was at her best when things were often at their worst. When my dad got sick, my mom stepped up and poured all of her energies into helping him and taking care of him. She didn’t allow herself to have bad days. There was no time for that. She had a mission to complete and someone that needed her to be strong.

When things were at the worst for me over my life, my mom would always circle the wagons and remind me that all she cared about was me. My only regret is that she could never do that for herself. I know there are so many things she could have done if she could have trusted herself and believed in herself more. But, she did what she believed she could do, she made sure I believed in myself and trusted myself. I am so thankful for her gift to me and her sacrifice for me.

I have experienced many of the demons that my mom knew. Because of her commitment to making me stronger than she was, I have always been able to find a way to push forward. She accomplished her objective. She protected me and still protects me today.