Processing Loss

This past weekend, Nikki lost her grandmother. Irene Robinson lived a long, healthy 99 years. She lived on her own, in her home in Marietta until just the last few months. She was the last surviving member of the 1942 graduating class of Williamstown High School. We should all be so lucky to have such a long, healthy life.

Death is a hard subject to talk about and a hard thing to process. Particularly, when it is unexpected or comes too early. It is difficult to know how to comfort loved ones or to know how to move forward. After the initial shock and pain, there is a void that seems to always exist.

For me, I have always tried to carry a piece of that person with me as I continue on with my life. To allow that person to continue to live and exist through me. What did that person teach me? And how can I share that wisdom? What characteristic did they have that would make me a better person?

Patience - My dad was an incredibly patient guy. He would tell me what he thought, but he let me make my own decisions. It took a lot to make him frustrated and he always dealt with things in a calm and insightful manner. I always felt I could talk to him about most anything because he would react in a calm, rational way.

I have really tried to carry his patience with me. Particularly, in dealing with my children. I am a better parent and person because of his example and I feel his presence with me as I have worked to be as patient as he was with me.

Friendship - If Tom Ruf was your friend, you were a lucky person. Tom may have been my uncle, but he was first, my friend. Tom was a loyal and trusted friend to so many and he always saw the best in people. His sharp wit and genuine compassion for people made for a combination that made you feel like a lucky insider to the cool kids club.

I value my friendships deeply and strive to be very intentional in building and creating these relationships because of what I saw and learned from Tom. I can never be as funny as Tom, but modeling his commitment to his friends has made my life better.

Vulnerability - When I was a kid, particularly as a teenager, any talk of feelings, fears, troubles was not going to happen. Those topics had nothing cool about them. It used to make me uncomfortable when my mom would share something very personal or private with one of her friends. It seemed to me at the time, that making yourself vulnerable was showing a weakness. However, nothing could be further from the truth.

I now see my mother’s willingness to be vulnerable as an enviable strength. Letting people in can be scary, but true friendships grow from such intimacy. I have followed her example of honesty and openness and it has paid dividends for me through so many meaningful relationships.

Carrying these amazing people with me by demonstrating the characteristics that made them special continues their legacy and makes me a better person. It also reminds me of them on a daily basis and continues my relationship with them. Their influence on me has not lessened with their loss.