Living an intentional life

It seems that for many stretches of our lives, we live in a completely reactionary mode. We rush from one thing to the next without really thinking about how we want to live our lives. We are just too busy “living” our lives. Soccer games, school functions, family functions, work, and then do it again the next day. Always on the run and running behind. It seems like we are always obligated to someone else’s agenda or expectations. Never our own.

One long car drive together, when, I don’t recall, my wife and I had a discussion about being more “intentional” with our lives. Thinking about the things that were really important to us, things we wanted to improve in our lives, and invest in those things. Making conscious decisions and engaging actions that add more meaning to our lives and improve the relationships with the ones we care about the most.

I believe that being a step-parent is probably one of the toughest jobs in the world. Just because your spouse loves you, it certainly does not mean that their children will feel the same. It requires much love and patience, and often thick skin. However, the rewards are significant. One thing that I have learned, is that if a child sees that their parent is happy and loved in this new relationship, that is the best motivation for them to let you into their hearts.

I am blessed with four wonderful kids. Two that I brought to the party and two my wife brought with her. For the most part, over the years things have gone pretty smooth and I have seen the four of them grow closer and develop mutual respect and love for each other. I am very proud of all four of them.

One relationship that I was very intentional in improving was with our daughter Emmy. Number three in chronological order and sometimes as her mother says “a tough nut to crack.” When she was in high school, I knew I wanted us to be closer and I needed to find a way to connect. Track became the common denominator. Emmy ran hurdles and was a strong sprinter. Back in the Stone Ages, I had been the same. It opened a door for us to have conversations and spend more time together. It brought us closer together.

What a proud moment to watch Emmy and her three teammates win the 4 x 400 state championship her senior year. It was a culmination of hard work, talent, and dedication. That moment meant even more because of the growth in our relationship.

A few years ago, my wife declared that we need to get to know our neighbors better. She had a great idea and we launched it in June. We hosted a “back porch party” every Thursday night in the summer from 7 to 9 pm. We put invitations in our neighbors mailboxes with all the dates. We provided beer and wine.

Interestingly, it didn’t turn out like we envisioned, but better. We had expected 20 people on our back porch every Thursday. Different people coming at different times. But what happened was we had a smaller, core group that came almost every Thursday. We got to know them on a deeper level and become much better friends. Some of these relationships were fairly new and some were old relationships that rekindled. Thursday nights are a lot more fun and our friendships are far more special because of this simple idea.

Sometimes a little selfishness is not a bad thing. My wife and I are very intentional in protecting our time together. Sometimes it feels a little selfish, but we know we are no good to anyone else if we are not good together. Weekly date nights. Traveling. Or just taking a long walk together. This time is so very valuable to ensure that we are on the same page and that our relationship is a priority. I once heard that as parents, the best thing you can give your children is a good marriage. I think that is true.

Finding joy in the everyday things has been a conscious goal for quite a while now. Enjoying the moment. Enjoying the process. Not wasting an investment of time.

As many of you know, I love to play golf. I have had a love-hate relationship with the game for over 40 years. But for the past several years, I have focused on having a love-love relationship with the game. Enjoying the process, time with friends, the beauty of the course, time in the sunshine. Not being results-oriented, but process oriented. Finding joy in shooting 72 and finding joy in shooting 82.

I love playing golf now more than ever before. I don’t get mad or upset over a bad shot (at least not too often) and I find I usually play better because I am just focused on enjoying the moment. It has made something that I am very passionate about a more enjoyable part of my life.