The power of a partner.
My parent’s front porch was the spot where most important conversations happened when I was growing up and even later as a young man and father. Countless evenings sitting on that front porch with my Dad discussing problems, hopes, dreams, fears. Long conversations about sports, politics, religion, school, and girls were not uncommon.
Even after I had a home of my own, I would often go for a run in the evening and end up at my parent’s house. My Dad would walk up and down the street with me as I cooled down and then we would sit on that porch and talk. He was my sounding board.
After he passed, I was sure that I would never trust anyone that much again. I felt that the void in my life that he filled would always be there. I was mistaken.
Unconditional love is an amazing thing. Knowing that someone genuinely accepts you for who you are and has your back, no matter what, is the best gift you can ever be given. It is comforting and empowering. It makes you want to be better. It allows you to take chances, to try new things, to really be yourself. It helps you be the best version of yourself.
Sadly, I think most people probably never get this gift in their life. It is rare, for sure. I have been so blessed to have been given this amazing gift twice. The hole in my heart that opened up when my Dad passed has been filled by my amazing wife. A feat that I did not think was possible. Her gentle manner, uncommon wisdom, and natural grace has filled me with an appreciation for the beauty of life and the gift of each and every day. I am a blessed and happy man.
I never feel like I have to prove anything to Nikki. I know she loves me for me. However, because of that love, I want to prove myself to her. I want to be worthy of her and her belief in me. I want to honor the gift that she has given me. I want to be a better husband, a better father, a better grandfather, and a better friend.
Conversations on my Dad’s front porch have been replaced with long talks in the car, date night conversation over a glass (or 3) of wine, and chats on our back porch sitting in the same chairs that were on my parent’s front porch.
There are a few things that I have learned about being a good partner. One in particular is supporting the passions of the other. If you feel guilty about loving something, it ruins that passion and causes resentment for the loss. Nikki has embraced my love for golf. She knows how important it is to me and that it makes me happy. She never makes me feel guilty about playing. I enjoy playing golf more now than ever. I appreciate her support of my love for golf and it actually makes golf a little less important to me. In a good way.
In turn, Nikki has a deep passion for yoga. Last year she decided she wanted to go through a 200 hour yoga teacher training program. One entire weekend a month for 6 months. I knew if she was willing to commit that amount of time and energy that it was very important to her. She doesn’t make these types of decisions lightly. I hope I have supported her yoga as much as she has supported my golf.
One thing that I do know for sure. Even though we support each others’ individual passions, they always come second to being together. But we also know that having these individual loves makes us happier and a better partner.
The other thing that makes a partnership work is always remembering that it is a partnership. And nothing comes ahead of that partnership. We still frustrate each other or have differing opinions on what to do or how to handle a situation. Everybody does. But we always approach every situation from “what are WE going to do” or “how are WE going to handle” this situation. We are a unit and we protect that with every action and reaction.
My wife is my best friend. We love spending time together and we are okay when we are apart. Our partnership affords a level of contentment that permeates every part of my life. It makes me more patient, appreciative, calm, and fun. It empowers me to be me, and to want to be the best version of me that I can be. It is at the heart of everything.