The evolution of parenting.
This past weekend we had a quick trip to Little Rock to visit our daughter Chelsey and her soon to be husband, Kendall. We had a nice visit. Nikki put the finishing touches on Chelsey’s wedding dress. We spent the afternoon in Hot Springs ending the day at a cool, little speakeasy restaurant with amazing food.
On our drive home to West Virginia, we listened to a podcast called Smartless. I had heard about it, but had never listened to it. It is hosted by Jason Batemen, Sean Hayes, & Will Arnett. They interviewed Matthew McConaughey in the second episode we listened to, and they talked a lot about parenting. I have read McConaughey’s book Green Lights and I appreciate his perspectives on life. He is a smart and self-aware dude.
During the interview, he was asked to define success for him. He said that after he is older or gone, that he would have been a success if all three of his children would list him as one of their top 5 friends. This comment really stuck with me.
He later commented that the most important thing that he can have with his children is access. The ability to walk the line between parent and friend and still remain relevant and invited into his children’s lives, thoughts and feelings. I think he is right on.
It made me wonder if someday I will be listed in our children’s top 5 friend list? And, am I doing the things necessary to make such a list?
I find the biggest challenge now as an older parent of adults is making that transition from parent to friend. I still want to protect them, give them advice, keep them from making mistakes, and shelter them from the challenges of life. Even though I know the challenges of life are necessary to become the people that they are going to be.
I am very proud of all four of our kids. They are smart, capable people. And I must say that I genuinely like all them. Not just love them, but like them. I enjoy their company and I would pick them as friends.
I desire to be their friend and I hope that I have walked that line between parent and friend in a way that keeps me relevant and trusted.
My father was my best friend. To me, that seems like a natural thing. But as I have grown older, I realize that it was an unusual gift. But for me, it still seems like the way it should be. I want to be for our kids what he was to me. He gave me steady love, sound advice, a mature perspective, and he was my biggest fan. Just what a great friend should be.
I feel an obligation to provide to Garret, Chelsey, Emmy, and Lea this same gift my Dad shared with me. That is what Dads are for in my mind. A friend that you can always count on. A steady source of calm. An unwavering love. A source of bad jokes that you know that you will tell some day. The eye in the storm.
I hope I make their Top 5 someday.
“You can dance in a hurricane.
But only if you’re standing in the eye.”