Siblings…I don’t get it.
I am an only child. In a previous blog I touched upon this subject briefly.
“As an only child, I must admit that I am envious of Nikki for having siblings that she loves and admires. Their bond is apparent and special. It is something I wish I had. ”
Nikki and I have had several discussions about what it is like to have siblings. It is a concept that is so foreign to me and one that I struggle to understand. From the outside, it seems logical to me that you would love your siblings unconditionally. But upon closer examination, I can see how these relationships are far more complicated.
For me, not having siblings was fine when I was young. As I have gotten older, I wish I did. But I assume, siblings would be like my best friends, but even closer.
Nikki’s brother Clay and Timea.
Nikki has a great relationship with her siblings. I think they appreciate each other more and more as they grow older. But she explained to me more about the dynamic of having siblings, things that I had not thought of, in one of our more thought provoking discussions.
She explained to me that she loves her brothers and sister, but the following facts hold true about having siblings:
You would do things to your siblings that you would never do to your friends.
You are forced to live with these people without having any say in the matter.
You have to share or go without to accommodate the needs of your siblings at times.
You fall in your place of the pecking order based on your birth order.
You are always vying for your parents attention and time.
I had never really thought of these things before. I always had my parents attention and time. I never had to compete for it. My relationship with my parents was different than it would have been if I had siblings. Our house was quieter. I had to talk to my parents. I couldn’t fall back and let others be the center of attention. I never had to make a sacrifice for the needs of a sibling.
I can see how only children can become selfish and self-centered. I still struggle to this day sometimes to put the needs of the many ahead of my own needs. It is something that I am conscious of and work on. But sometimes, I just want what I want.
Lea, Emmy, Blake, Kendall, Chelsey, Garret, & Kristen
Then I think about our children. How we brought two families together, forced lots of change on them, added new siblings to their family, and hoped everyone would eventually love each other because Nikki and I loved each other.
I am not sure how I would have responded had I been put in that same situation as a kid. Probably not well. Not nearly as well as our children have responded these past 15 years.
Here is what I do know about siblings from my observations over almost 60 years. There is a special bond that is unique to siblings. I remember my Uncle Gene stopping by our house on his way home from the Legion to see my Dad. My Dad always kept a six-pack in the fridge for just this purpose. Two very different people but with a common thread that tied them together. They were brothers. They grew up together under tough circumstances and that bond was evident, particularly as older men. They were blood.
I saw how Nikki’s siblings supported each other when her father died. Common experiences and memories can only be shared by the four of them. I wish I would have had that kind of bond when I lost my parents to help me through those difficult days.
I also see how siblings are the portal back to your parents after your parents have gone. Nobody loved my parents as much as I did. It would be comforting to have others that felt the same love to talk and reminisce with today.
I think the fact that I don’t have siblings makes me cultivate strong friendships. I have a lot of friends that I love and that I am very close to. Uniquely, my cousin Greg and I are good friends, but I do feel a different type of friendship with him because of our family blood bond. It is the only thing that I can compare to a sibling.
Grandsons and Brothers, Thomas and Maverick
As a grandfather, I hope and pray that these two little guys are always there for each other, look out for each other, and are a big part of each other’s lives. In my eyes, they are both beautiful, just like I see our four children. They make my life better and their love is so meaningful and important to me. I hope they all share that love with each other long after I am gone.